Notes from visiting mom at hospice: she is very emotional

Last night, December 13,  I was visiting my mother hospice. It was interesting and sad. During the 3 hour visit she went through a string of emotions. At this point she seems out of touch with reality at times.
First thing I put my hand on her head ands barked at me saying "Keep your hands off me! "

Why?
"You know why. All you do is lie to me like everybody else."

She proceeded to admonish me for being a conspirator and lying to her about everything. Eventually she focused on other topics. She began talking abut the "farm" and other odd things. She wanted to know who's truck was parked in the driveway. She asked me if the LaBrie's ( a neighboring farm family) where moving into her house. Then she wanted to know where my father was. Why hadn't she seen him for so long.  I carefully reminded her that the passed away a number years ago. She looked at me with disgust and said, "That is just more lies. Want to know where he is and all you people can do is lie to me."

Eventually she became sad. I told her I had to leave and go home but I would be back. Withtears rolling don her cheeks she said I had better return because she didn't want to be alone. "Why don't you go upstairs and get some blankets and sleep on th couch," she asked.  "Or go upstairs, get some blankets and you can stay upstairs and go to bed. Or you can sleep on the couch."

She went on to say she didn't understand what she did to deserve such treatment and that what ever it was she was really sorry for it, all the while weeping. I told her everything was going to be ok. "My heart is breaking," she said, "and I don't know what to do about it. There is know one I can turn to for help, no one I can truly trust."  It was killing me to see her so sad and helpless.


What she really would like is to go home. I think that is what bothers her the most. A week torso earlier the Better Half and I were with her when she went through similar sad spell. In that one she expressed her desire to go home and she didn't seem to understand where she was. To that she said, " I know if I just stay here in one place eventually Ronnie will find me."

To see her feeling helpless is is tough.